I have created and curated the content on this site for the purpose of passing a college writing class. It light of this, I have the option to take it down or to leave it up at the end of this term. In the words of my professor, “Will you take your platform down, or does your voice matter?”
This feels like a loaded question. Probably because it’s a loaded question. At first it felt overly serious. Does leaving up a silly website about movies and yarn really determine whether my voice matters? I mean few people outside of my class will probably ever read it. It’s not doing any harm, but it probably won’t have any huge impact either. If that’s all true, then it shouldn’t really matter whether I take it down or leave it up. But it does matter, at least to me. The idea of taking it down feels worse than leaving it. It’s this little digital foot print. It’s an internet time capsule of the person I am now, someone who cares about queer representation and craft. That’s all personal to me, though. I could private the site, keep it for myself. Leaving it up implies that someone else could read it. So as you can see from the title, I’ve concluded that my voice does in fact matter. I like the idea that someone, someday might read something I wrote and be affected by it.
Writing this content brought me joy. Queer films bring me joy. Crafting brings me joy. I like feeling like a part of a community when I read a queer review or try a new pattern. Other people decide their voice matters when they make online content and I’m so grateful to those people for helping create those communities. Being alive can feel so isolating especially when you’re a queer person. In response to a prompt from my professor about what causes inspire us, I wrote about queer activism. I concluded my response with this:
“There’s this hole that forms when you have to hide for so long. You knowingly put on a performance for the comfort of those around you. And every day you wonder if people will like what’s underneath this carefully constructed costume. And when you finally remove the façade, you realize some people really did prefer the fake you. I don’t know if you ever really heal from that.”
I still don’t know if there a way to heal that hole, but I know it hurts a little less when you’re surrounded by people who share your goals, interests and even identity. Community matters. If this platform could help contribute to someone’s community, then it matters. So it stays.
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